Resolving conflicts peacefully as a team

Couples & relationship

In every relationship there are conflicts – the only question is how we deal with them. In couples coaching I see the same four basic patterns again and again. Three of them lead into a dead end, one opens the door.

The four patterns

1. Both avoid. You stay silent, steer clear of each other, hope it will pass. Closeness quietly fades.
2. One leaves the field. While one side struggles, the other withdraws – the burden is shared unequally.
3. The contest of victims. „I’m worse off than you.“ Instead of connection, a competition over suffering arises.
4. The royal road. Both stay in contact, acknowledge the shared challenge and work together on a solution.

Changing the pattern

The beautiful thing: patterns are not set in stone. When you learn to stay in contact during conflict – to listen to each other instead of fighting – your relationship changes. Change the pattern, change your lovelife. This is exactly where systemic couples coaching begins.